Hard Truths about Infertility
As I head into my second frozen embryo transfer, I’m trying to stay positive and remind myself that I can do this! But every so often I’m hit with the reminders that this journey is so difficult. Here are a few of those hard realities I’ve learned over the years of going through this.
Not everyone is emotionally mature enough to be present for you during this time. And that’s okay, either take them as they are or remove them as your friend. (I chose to remove them as my friend because I don’t want people around me who lack the ability to learn and grow as people)
Truly no one can understand unless they’ve been through it. Unfortunately, I’ve found this to be so true. No matter how hard someone is trying to understand they simply can’t. Whether it’s diminishing the struggle with, “Oh, you can just do another egg retrieval.” or those lovely cliches, “It’s all in God’s timing.” They don’t and can’t fully understand.
No matter how much you like your fertility clinic, at the end of the day you are just a number. Even if you love your nurses and doctors, when they have to pass your file off to another department, you immediately become a number. They’re simply doing their job, checking patients off a list, and moving on. I know this is harsh, but it’s been my experience with both clinics I’ve been to.
Even if all the tests are good, it still might not work. I was so sure our first embryo transfer would work. The doctor was so excited about my results and was raving about how good our embryo was. I was absolutely taken out when it didn’t work. Sometimes there really doesn’t seem to be much rhyme or reason to infertility.
You will feel negative emotions towards others (but they’ll pass). People don’t like to talk about this or admit it, but you might feel negative emotions towards others while going through this time. You might feel jealous of couples who get pregnant easily, get mad at those who don’t support you, or annoyed when someone shows a lack of understanding. This isn’t anything personal towards those people, it’s natural to have difficulties within yourself during this time. From personal experience, these feelings have passed with me.
It’s all consuming and will most likely dictate the majority of your life. From scheduled doctors appointments to perfectly timed medication, it makes it really difficult to live a “normal” life. Personally, I’ve missed birthday parties, baby showers, a funeral, and so much more. Sometimes it’s that we can’t be there physically, other times it’s emotionally…and both are okay reasons to miss things (although I know it sucks.)
Even with the most supportive spouse, it can put a strain on your relationship. My husband is my #1 supporter during all of this, but that doesn’t mean I’m always the best to him. Hormones and medications can do wild things to a person and an already emotional time can become even harder when you're being pushed to your limit. (Sorry Mason! I love you.)
Sometimes, the doctor’s don’t have an answer. I truly believe there’s so much we don’t know about infertility. Almost all questions I’ve asked have been met with an unfortunate “We don’t know.” It’s a hard pill to swallow and there’s not much you can do.
And lastly…The Infertility Smile. In my opinion, people don’t really know what you’re going through because no matter what, you’re smiling. You cry in private, break down the second you get in your car. But anytime you’re out and about, that smile is plastered on your face. Part of this is good, we need to pretend we’re okay sometimes, but it can also be exhausting. (One of the major reasons I decided to share online - it’s actually been healing!)
Despite these things, every day we wake up, get dressed, and go about our day! I truly believe my fellow infertility women are so strong.
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