My 2026 Ins & Outs

I’m heading into 2026 with lots of question marks. But that won’t stop me from trying to learn from the past year and move forward with better intentions. 2025 testing me in new ways and really altered my view of so many things in life.

So, this new year, it isn’t about reinventing myself or chasing perfection. It’s about choosing peace, celebrating growth, and being a little kinder to myself.

My Ins for 2026

• Maintaining routines despite the chaos – This one is going to be hard, but I always feel better when I keep up with my routines. So this year the goal is to keep up with the simple stuff, even when all is going crazy.

• Celebrating progress, even if it’s not visible – The quiet growth, the emotional strength, the “no one else would notice but I feel it” wins matter too!

• Speaking kindly to myself – If I wouldn’t say it to a friend, I’m not going to say it to myself.

• Resting without guilt – Considering all we’ve gone through rest is sooo needed and I need to simply stop feeling guilty for taking care of myself.

• Imagining the best-case scenario – Because imagining the bad doesn’t make it any easier when it happens.

My Outs for 2026

• Comparing my journey to others – My life isn’t the same, my body isn’t the same, my outcomes aren’t going to be the same. I’m doing all I can do and that’s all that matters.

• Apologizing for taking care of myself – Because you know what, I’m actually not sorry for my choices from the last year. I was doing what I felt necessary to survive each day and that’s something to be celebrated! Those who love me will understand.

• Minimizing my strength – I’ve been through a lot, and I’m allowed to own how strong that’s made me.

• Overexplaining my choices – “This is right for me” is a complete sentence.

• Mom guilt – Probably the hardest one! But something we should all strive to be better about. Moms shouldn’t feel guilty about simply trying their best.

Here’s to 2026 being a year of steadiness, softness, and self-belief — a year where I honor how far I’ve come, trust where I’m going, and leave anything behind that doesn’t love me back.

The holidays can feel overwhelming, especially with the pressure to create picture perfect gift baskets or aesthetic moments that belong on Pinterest. (Thanks social media!) But spreading Christmas cheer doesn’t have to be expensive, elaborate, or curated. Sometimes the most meaningful gifts are the simple, thoughtful gestures that bring warmth to someone’s day.

A DIY simmer pot is exactly that kind of gift. It’s inexpensive, easy to make in batches, and filled with cozy charm. It’s a small way to share Christmas cheer with family, neighbors, friends, or coworkers. (Without needing a big budget, or hours of crafting)

Here’s how to make them!

What Is a Simmer Pot?

A simmer pot is a natural way to make your home smell amazing without candles or artificial fragrances. You simply add a mix of dried fruits, spices, and herbs to a pot of water and let it warm on low. As it heats, it fills your home with the most comforting holiday scent! Cozy, bright, and nostalgic.

Ingredients You’ll Need

You can customize simmer pots in endless ways, but here’s a classic Christmas blend that always comes out beautifully:

• 2 dried orange slice

• 2 cinnamon stick

• 15-20 whole cloves

• 1 small sprigs of rosemary (fresh or dried)

• 1/4 cup cranberries (fresh or dried)

• Optional: a few star anise for a pretty, photo-worthy touch

All of these can be bought in bulk, which keeps the cost low if you’re making gifts for a group.

How to Make Dried Orange Slices

Dried oranges are the star of this simmer pot — they smell incredible, look gorgeous, and are extremely easy to make.

1. Preheat your oven to 200°F.

2. Slice oranges into ¼-inch rounds.

3. Place them on a baking sheet lined with parchment paper.

4. Bake for 2.5–3 hours, flipping halfway.

5. Let them cool completely.

They’ll turn slightly deeper in color as they dry, and your kitchen will smell like Christmas while they bake.

Assembly Instructions

Once your ingredients are ready, assembly is simple:

1. Lay out your clear treat bags or small kraft paper bags.

2. Place one orange slice, one cinnamon stick, cloves, and rosemary inside.

3. Add the optional star anise or cranberries for decoration.

4. Tie the bag with ribbon, twine, or a festive tag.

They look instantly gift-ready with almost no effort.

The Tag

A little instruction card takes your simmer pot from cute to perfectly packaged.

Add ingredients to a pot with 3 cups of water. Simmer on low/medium heat. Add water as needed & enjoy the holiday scent.

Merry Christmas!

Tags

Packaging Ideas

You don’t need anything fancy to make these gifts stand out. Here are a few simple ideas:

• Clear treat bags tied with gold or white ribbon

• Kraft paper pouches with a small window

• Mini mason jars (cute but more expensive)

Even the simplest packaging looks intentional once the ingredients are inside — the colors and textures do all the work.

Why Simmer Pots Make a Great Group Gift

• Inexpensive – Perfect when you’re gifting to multiple people

• Beautiful – Dried oranges and spices look naturally festive

• Thoughtful – Handmade gifts feel personal and warm

• Useful – Everyone loves a cozy home at Christmas

• Quick – Easy to batch-make in less than an hour

Whether you’re making these for neighbors, friends, coworkers, or a party… simmer pots are an adorable holiday gift that people will actually enjoy and use!

Trying Something New

If you’ve been following our journey, you know we’ve already been through two frozen embryo transfers… both were fully medicated cycles. This means prepping and planning my cycle with birth control pills, daily estradiol pills and nightly progesterone-in-oil shots (in the butt!). Unfortunately, both cycles failed, despite all this help.

Recently, I had an appointment with my doctor to talk about what’s next. And honestly, for the first time in months, I’m feeling hopeful again.

This time… we’re doing a Modified Natural Cycle!

Why We’re Switching Plans

At my appointment, I asked my doctor what changes he suggested we make moving forward. At first, he was ready to simply continue on the same path we’ve been on. No changes in medication or plan. This is where I’m so proud of myself for doing my own research. I asked if he would feel comfortable trying a modified natural cycle. A modified natural cycle basically means we follow my natural cycle but still offer a few supports in hopes of our little embryo sticking.

Instead of layering in a ton of hormone support from the very beginning, we’ll let my body take the lead and only step in when we need to.

Here’s what that plan looks like:

• Tracking my natural cycle & reaching out to the clinic on cycle day 1

• When my body is near ovulation, we’ll administer an at home HCG trigger shot

• This means we can time the transfer correctly and not miss ovulation. (Fully natural cycles have a high cancellation rate, so we want to avoid that as much as possible)

• Lastly, instead of those oh so lovely intramuscular progesterone shots (PIO), I’ll use a still invasive, but much less painful vaginal progesterone suppositories.

Same support, different route. And honestly, a much gentler approach on my body and my mind.

Advocating for Myself

Words can’t express how proud I am of myself for asking about this! Two failed cycles is emotionally exhausting, and it would’ve been easy to just say “okay” and go along with whatever the clinic suggested next.

But here’s the thing:

Our embryos this round are graded exactly the same as the embryos we transferred previously. Nothing has changed there. So if the embryos are the same… why would we keep doing the exact same protocol and hoping for a different outcome?

Asking questions, pushing for variation, and advocating for something different felt necessary.

My Takeaways & How I’m Feeling

While I remain realistic… I’m beginning to feel hopeful again. Nervous. Proud. Anxious. All of it.

There’s something comforting about knowing we’re not just rinsing and repeating another fully medicated cycle. We’re trying something new, giving my body a chance to do what it naturally does, and supporting it along the way.

Maybe this is the change we needed. Maybe not. But at least it feels like we’re moving forward instead of staying stuck.

I also can’t begin to express how taking away those PIO shots are going to do wonders for my mental health. I’m hoping with a better mental state comes a better physical state.

What is PGT and Why Do People Use It?

The Basics of Preimplantation Genetic Testing

If you’re going through IVF, or even just curious about the world of fertility treatments, you might have heard about something called PGT. But what exactly is it, and why are people talking about it?

PGT stands for Preimplantation Genetic Testing. Basically, it’s a way to test embryos created during IVF for chromosomal abnormalities before transferring them into the uterus. Despite what some online comments might suggest, the goal isn’t to pick traits like hair color or height, it’s to try to avoid transferring embryos that are more likely to result in a negative pregnancy test or miscarriage. Given how emotional and physically draining IVF already is, it’s extremely understandable why many people choose to give themselves the best chance at a healthy pregnancy from the start.

Common Misconceptions & Controversies

Here’s where it gets a little controversial. Some argue that testing embryos is unethical (that they think most IVF patients are choosing genders, eye colors, etc.) Others worry it reduces the number of embryos available for transfer. And yes, it can be a stressful process, waiting for results that might completely change your plan. But for many people, including myself, I believe it’s helpful for managing uncertainty in an unpredictable journey.

How PGT-A Fits Into the IVF Process

Screening for Chromosomal Abnormalities

PGT allows clinics to screen embryos for chromosomal abnormalities, helping reduce the risk of miscarriage or unsuccessful transfers. While it’s not a guarantee of a successful pregnancy (I had two failed transfers with “normal” embryos) it’s a tool that can help patients make informed decisions about which embryos to transfer.

Even with testing, IVF remains an emotional rollercoaster. Knowing your embryos have been screened can provide some reassurance, but it also comes with new anxieties. Wondering how many healthy embryos you’ll have and whether your journey will lead to a successful pregnancy.

My Personal Experience with PGT Results

Managing Expectations After Previous Transfers

When it came time for my PGT results, I approached them with cautious optimism. I tried not to get my hopes up, but you never really know how you’ll feel until the results are in.

The truth? The results were pretty much what I expected, but I still felt disappointed. Having some healthy embryos is obviously good news, but at this point “good news” doesn’t erase the anxiety. On average, it takes 2-3 embryos to get one live birth with IVF, so knowing I have a decent number of healthy embryos is reassuring—but the road ahead is still uncertain.

The Embryo “Secret” in my Inbox

Another part of this process… even though I marked that I did not want the lab to disclose the genders of my embryos, the information is still attached to the genetic results. I didn’t open the attachment, but just knowing it’s there is hard. When I received the email, I only checked the portion where it lists which embryos were normal vs, abnormal. I’ve moved the email to a folder in my inbox, and that’s where this little secret will sit…hopefully forever. It’s a little like those gender-reveal envelopes people keep hidden until the big moment, except mine isn’t really even real, it’s still just possibilities.

Online Misinformation & Misunderstanding

As for the broader conversation about PGT, I didn’t think much of it at first because it’s standard at my clinic. But now, seeing some of the online chatter, people assuming we’re trying to have “designer” babies, reminds me how much misinformation can be harmful for those undergoing fertility treatments. For me, (and most people) it’s simple! We just want a healthy baby.

Final Thoughts

For anyone going through this, take it one step at a time and give yourself grace. The journey is rarely straightforward, but each decision you make is a step toward your goal.

Lean on the people who get it, allow yourself to feel everything, and don’t underestimate the power of humor and resilience to help you through the ups and downs. At the end of the day, we’re all just trying to do our best to bring a healthy baby into the world.

Since getting our little puppy, Willow, she’s had many different places to call her own. From the start, I was unsure about leaving her in a crate while we went to work. We opted for a play pen type situation. It was a big space (took up about half the size of our front flex room) with her food & water, puppy pads, her bed, and some toys. Very early on, she learned her routine and would practically jump up into my arms to be put in her play pen.

When we had our son, we decided to use that flex room as a playroom. At first, this wasn’t a big deal because I never really left the house. If I did ever leave the house, I’d just let her roam around and she was content. I would always be back within a couple hours.

As our son grew, I began leaving the house for longer periods of time. We noticed the longer I left Willow the more she became restless. As puppies do, she began chewing on various items around the house. We tried a couple different things, did lots of research and finally landed on the idea that she needed her own space.

After tossing a few ideas around, we landed on building a room under the stairs for her. She absolutely loves it! It’s a safe and comfortable place for her to nap, hide when our toddler is tantruming, and eat her meals in peace.

This year, I thought I’d dress it up for the holidays. Here’s everything I used to make her room a little spooky.

all the links!

• String Lights - I picked these ones specifically because they have multiple colors. I thought this was the best way to put them up once and simply change the color depending on the holiday! Much like permanent Christmas lights on the outside of a real house, our little puppy now has her own set to change for every occasion.

• Color Changing Lightbulb - Same idea as the string lights, I wanted something that could be easily changed depending on the holiday! It has a little remote for easy color changing!

• Halloween Wreath - Not much to say about this, super cute and got it off amazon!

• Mini Door Mat - I searched high and low for mini door mats until I finally realized…place mats were the perfect size! Got these in a pack of 4, so if it gets dirty or chewed up, I have a few back ups before I have to order a new one.

• Ghost Décor - I actually already had this! I got it from Home Goods a few years back and just couldn’t find a place for it this year. I joked about putting it out on our dog’s “front yard” and it ended up being cute, so that’s her décor now!

All in all, this project cost me just under $50! With the lights and lightbulb staying up year round, I felt it was perfect way to dress up the space!

My favorite banana bread recipe

Ingredients:

3 ripe bananas
1/3 cup melted butter
1/2 tsp baking soda
Pinch of salt
1 cup of sugar
1/3 cup applesauce OR 1 egg
1 tsp vanilla extract
1 1/2 cups of flour

Steps:

1. Preheat your oven to 350F

2. In a medium mixing bowl, fully mash the bananas.

3. Mix in the melted butter.

4. Add the baking soda, salt, sugar, applesauce OR egg, vanilla extract, & flour.

   1. I like to use applesauce instead of eggs when baking with little ones so you don’t have to worry if sneak a taste!

5. Mix together until creamy.

6. Line a 9x5 loaf pan with parchment paper.

7. Pour in the mix.

8. Bake at 350 for 55-65 minutes. (until toothpick comes out clean)

List of Toddler Must Haves

Last week was my husband’s birthday and lately he has really been stepping up his DIY building game! Just a few of his recent projects include a fully built shed, an under the stairs room for our pup, an owl box, and making my master bedroom remodel come true! So I thought the perfect DIY present from our little guy this year would be these adorable work gloves.

Supplies

• Work gloves (any kind)

• Washable paint (any color)

• Brushes

• Sharpie or paint pen

• Trash bag or plastic table cloth

Prep

I prepped our space by simply taping a trash bag to the counter where his toddler tower was. I was ready to go with wipes and a magic eraser for the counter. And we were right by the sink so we could quickly wash his hand each time.

Of course, you can do this craft outside, I just find if you catch a windy day, it can be hard to hold onto your supplies.

How to

• Paint your little one’s hand in whatever color you’ve chosen

• Carefully press their hand onto the inside of the glove making their handprint

• Let dry

• Go back in with a sharpie or paint pen to write on each finger “Dada’s little helper” with the year

• You can sign their name at the bottom if you’d like

• Wrap it up to give a heartwarming gift

Final Thoughts

This craft was so super simple and turned out adorable. Even if his handprint wasn’t perfect, it’s still just as adorable! My husband loved the gift and has them hanging in the garage! This gift can work for really anyone in your life who loves working with their hands.

Other DIY/ Crafting

Holiday Crafts for Baby's First Year

DIY Halloween Costumes

DIY Christmas Photos

• Not everyone is emotionally mature enough to be present for you during this time. And that’s okay, either take them as they are or remove them as your friend. (I chose to remove them as my friend because I don’t want people around me who lack the ability to learn and grow as people)

• Truly no one can understand unless they’ve been through it. Unfortunately, I’ve found this to be so true. No matter how hard someone is trying to understand they simply can’t. Whether it’s diminishing the struggle with, “Oh, you can just do another egg retrieval.” or those lovely cliches, “It’s all in God’s timing.” They don’t and can’t fully understand.

• No matter how much you like your fertility clinic, at the end of the day you are just a number. Even if you love your nurses and doctors, when they have to pass your file off to another department, you immediately become a number. They’re simply doing their job, checking patients off a list, and moving on. I know this is harsh, but it’s been my experience with both clinics I’ve been to.

• Even if all the tests are good, it still might not work. I was so sure our first embryo transfer would work. The doctor was so excited about my results and was raving about how good our embryo was. I was absolutely taken out when it didn’t work. Sometimes there really doesn’t seem to be much rhyme or reason to infertility.

• You will feel negative emotions towards others (but they’ll pass). People don’t like to talk about this or admit it, but you might feel negative emotions towards others while going through this time. You might feel jealous of couples who get pregnant easily, get mad at those who don’t support you, or annoyed when someone shows a lack of understanding. This isn’t anything personal towards those people, it’s natural to have difficulties within yourself during this time. From personal experience, these feelings have passed with me.

• It’s all consuming and will most likely dictate the majority of your life. From scheduled doctors appointments to perfectly timed medication, it makes it really difficult to live a “normal” life. Personally, I’ve missed birthday parties, baby showers, a funeral, and so much more. Sometimes it’s that we can’t be there physically, other times it’s emotionally…and both are okay reasons to miss things (although I know it sucks.)

• Even with the most supportive spouse, it can put a strain on your relationship. My husband is my #1 supporter during all of this, but that doesn’t mean I’m always the best to him. Hormones and medications can do wild things to a person and an already emotional time can become even harder when you're being pushed to your limit. (Sorry Mason! I love you.)

• Sometimes, the doctor’s don’t have an answer. I truly believe there’s so much we don’t know about infertility. Almost all questions I’ve asked have been met with an unfortunate “We don’t know.” It’s a hard pill to swallow and there’s not much you can do.

• And lastly…The Infertility Smile. In my opinion, people don’t really know what you’re going through because no matter what, you’re smiling. You cry in private, break down the second you get in your car. But anytime you’re out and about, that smile is plastered on your face. Part of this is good, we need to pretend we’re okay sometimes, but it can also be exhausting. (One of the major reasons I decided to share online - it’s actually been healing!)

Despite these things, every day we wake up, get dressed, and go about our day! I truly believe my fellow infertility women are so strong.

Related Blogs

Infertility Facts

How to Support Someone

The Reality of Fertility Treatments

From IUI to IVF

Well, we’re back from another road trip up north to visit family! So I thought I’d share my go-to packing list with everything you need for your baby or toddler. You can also check out Traveling with a Toddler: Must-Have Items for Long Car Rides and Hotel Stays for a similar list and product recommendations.

Night Time Essentials

• Pack n play or portable crib or Inflatable toddler bed

• Sheets

• Black out tent

• Sound Machine

• Travel Monitor

• Monitor Clip

• Pajamas

• Extra pajamas

• Sleep sack or Blanket

• Pacifier

• Stuffed animal

• Pillow and pillow case

Baby Essentials

• Diapers

• Wipes

• Diaper cream

• Lotion

• Travel baby soap

• Baby towel

• Toothbrush

• Toothpaste

• Hairbrush

• Detangling spray

• Hair gel or styling gel

• Burp clothes

Daytime Essentials

• Outfits

• Extra outfits!

• Socks

• Shoes

• Sweatpants

• Sweatshirt/Jacket

• Beanie

• Travel Stroller

Out and About

• Hat

• Sunblock

• Stroller caddy

• Stroller fan

• Baby carrier or Wearable toddler seat

• Blanket

Feeding Supplies

• Formula or Milk

• Breast pump

• Breast pump wipes

• Bottles or Straw cups

• Travel dish soap

• Water bottle

• Cooler and Cooler packs

• Snacks

• Travel food pouches

• Bibs

• Disposable table covers or Suction food mat

• Travel high chair

Playing

• Teethers

• Toys

• Play mat (good for hotels with a little baby)

• Toy clips/pacifier clips

Now, I know this is a big list. I certainly don’t bring everything every time. Especially because this list includes things for babies AND toddlers. I’m aware some of these items don’t overlap. But we have traveled so many times now and I do feel it’s a pretty comprehensive list of everything you MIGHT need when traveling. Let me know if I missed anything!

Safe Travels!

Related Blogs

Traveling with a Toddler

Disneyland Checklist

Before you start

It’s important to first decide if your toddler is even ready for a bed. Personally, I didn’t want to make the switch too early. So check out last week’s blog for that quick checklist.

Making the Switch

1. Preparation

The first step in the process is to introduce a few things before you officially make the switch. You can actually do these things months before making the change. I know it’s impossible to know exactly when they’re going to be ready, so we started these things at 2 years old to prepare.

1. Introduce blanket and pillow - according to the AAP it’s considered safe to introduce these items at this time (Check out my blog about turning two to learn more)

2. Red light/green light sleep clock - If you want to learn more about how we introduced that routine, check out that blog here.

3. Begin to elongate the amount of time your little one stays in the crib after waking up - In the morning, I used that time to get myself ready for the day (about 30 mins.) After his nap I’d vary the time depending on how content he was (also never more than about 30 minutes)

2. Secure the room

Personally, this was the step I was most concerned about. I wanted to be as sure as possible that he was safe in his room, even if he got out of his bed without us noticing.

1. Lock doors, windows, and closets

2. Cover all plugs, wires, and outlets

3. Secure all drawers and anchor furniture

4. Take away any decorations within reach

5. Put sound machine out of reach

6. Use a night light

3. Include them and get them excited

We did this by talking it up for a few days! We went to Target and let him pick out his own bedding. We let him “help” take the crib apart and put together the bed. And then I let him spend the afternoon playing in his room with his bed. He was immediately very excited. He kept saying “my bed” and “big pillow”! He even kicked me out of his room to play alone.

4. Keep as much of your routine as possible

Our general routine is bathtime, pajamas, milk, rock and snuggle, off to bed! We kept that exact same routine…just instead of putting him in the crib, we set him down and told him to get into bed. Now he walks right into his bed and lays down!

5. Have a plan and realistic expectations

Whatever you decide as parents, stick to it! Be on the same page with your partner about how to handle it when they get out of bed so that your little ones knows the drill. We decided that if he got out of bed, we would only intervene if he was crying or doing something dangerous (which was unlikely because of how locked down the room was.) Basically, we let him hang out, explore his space, read books, etc. until he fell asleep. At the start of this, there were a few times where he did end up falling asleep on the floor. We’d just quietly go in there and gently move him to his bed. But now, most of the time, he takes himself back to his bed.

It’s also important to have realistic expectations. Not all kids will stay in their bed the first time you ask. We knew he would probably take quite a while to fall asleep at the start. We just gave him that time. And still to this day, there are many times where he takes over an hour to settle and fall asleep. But he’s always happy and content to be in his room.

Overall Takeaway

When we started this switch, I was pretty nervous. I wasn’t sure if he would be calm or if he would just cry out for me. I didn’t know if he’d actually sleep or just wander around his room the entire time. The first several naps and bedtime, he did spend most of the time wandering around his room. It’s like he realized, “Hey! I can get out of my bed now.” But surprisingly it was rare when he threw a fit. (I know this may not be the case for everyone, that’s why I say to have a plan)

But now, after a few months of being in his bed, he’s happy to go into his room for what we now call “quiet time”. Sometimes, he’ll even grab a toy or two to take with him. At first I was unsure about letting him take toys into his room for nap and bedtime. But now, it doesn’t really distract him. He plays until he’s tired and then simply goes to sleep.

Products we used!

-small shelf for sound machine

-plug covers

-plug boxes

-wire covers

-door handle lock

-drawer locks

-closet lock (for sliding closet)

-furniture anchors

-sound machine/night light

-rotating monitor

-twin bed (for at home)

-toddler bed (for at our family office)

-mattress protector

-twin mattress

Related Blogs

From My Inner Momologue

5 Signs It's Time For a Toddler Bed

Implementing an Okay to Wake Clock

Turning Two: 5 Things We Changed

Blogs I used to Guide Me

What to Expect When You're Expecting

Taking Cara Babies

Disclaimer

As always, I end my blogs with a disclaimer. This is what we chose to do for our family and what worked with our son. Every family and every child is different. Please do what works for you. I’m simply sharing my experience, take it or leave it. Also as I always say, if you’re unsure about what to do, talk with an expert!

1. Consistently climbing out of the crib

Quick tip! You can buy yourself a bit more time by having your little one wear a sleep sack for naps and bedtime. This might prevent them from climbing out, at least for a little bit.

2. If the crib railing is level to your toddler’s chest

Generally around 35 inches in height is when you might start to notice your toddler is getting too tall for the railings of their crib.

3. Showing interest in a regular bed

You might notice they start snuggling up in your bed, getting under the covers and putting their head on the pillow

4. They’re sleep is being disrupted in any way

We started noticing our son was waking up more at night. Once we switched him to a bed, night wakings went down significantly!

5. They have an understanding of visual cues

For example, they understand the red light, green light sleep timer cues. We introduced this when our son turned 2, to prepare for this exact thing!

More Information

Some sites suggest NOT doing the switch until your little one is 3 years old. This is because before that age, they generally lack impulse control. Our goal was to keep our son in his crib for as long as safely possible. But, once he began showing many of these signs we realized it was time to make the change. Overall, I am happy with the timing of the switch. He was ready, he understood the concept, it improved his sleep, and it was the safest arrangement for him!

Keep an eye out for another blog coming soon on HOW we made the switch!

Disclaimer

As always, I am not a professional by any means, just a mom sharing her own experience. Be sure to always do your own research and talk with your pediatrician before making any decisions if you are unsure about them.

Related Blogs

Implementing an Okay to Wake Clock

Sleep Regressions

Turning Two: 5 Things We Changed

Suit Safety

Choosing the best color suit for the water!

I highly recommend checking out this swimsuit color test to help guide your shopping this year. While we love a good aesthetic, the best aesthetic is safety!

One piece vs Two piece

I found that I preferred a one piece suit for swim classes. You’re holding your little one the entire time and the one pieces don’t pull up and move around. If you do opt for a two piece suit, consider a rash guard. It’s so important to protect your little one’s sensitive skin from the sun. Rash guards offer some extra protection for both boys and girls.

Life Vests and Floaties

When to Skip the Life Vest

While there are times that a life vest is required, there are also times when not wearing one might actually be the safer option. When learning to swim, it’s best to not use a vest at all. This allows your little one to get a feel for the water and learn how their body acts in the pool. Having your little one wear a life vest all the time can unfortunately give them a false sense of confidence before they’ve actually learned to swim.

When to Use a Life Vest

Obviously anytime you’re on a boat, your little one needs a vest! I also think it’s best to put them in a vest in any situation where accidents are more likely to happen. In my opinion, unless your plan is to stay in the water holding your child the entire time, you might want to consider having them wear a life vest.

In addition, there might also be times when you are going to be with them, but you choose to have them wear one anyway. We recently went to a waterpark and I had my son in his vest in the lazy river. Even though I was holding him in my lap while sitting in a tube, I felt more comfortable knowing he was wearing his life vest.

Life Vest Info

• Be sure you are getting a coast guard approved vest

• Look into the different types (type I, II, III and more) to see which fits your activity

• Reconsider a puddle jumper - current research suggests these kinds of flotation devices put your child is the “drowning position” while swimming

Quick Tips/Reminders

• Swim diapers only hold #2- use this trick for traveling

• Choose a safe towel - wearable towels, like these, are safer when walking around

• Water shoes for hot days - we recently got these for our little guy

• Sunblock is only for 6 months and up (but of course talk to your doctor!)

Disclaimer

All of this information is based on my own experience and my own searching online. As always, do what is best for your family, consult your doctor, and do your own research.

The other day I was scrolling my phone, catching up on the latest nonsense Tik Tok has to offer, when I came across a video talking about a podcaster. Apparently a well-known podcaster was sharing the details of her pregnancies. The person on my screen explained how she used to really like this podcast host but after this episode, she would no longer be listening. I immediately headed to the comments. I see a comment section filled with other women giving more details about what was said. I clicked on her name in the search bar to see for myself.

“I don’t think I would've gotten pregnant had I not told myself my womb was ready to get pregnant”

“I manifested my pregnancies”

“Being unable to get pregnant is due to a blockage between your mind and body”

“People who share their infertility stories are fear mongering”

“We don’t ever hear about the success stories”

My jaw hit the floor, this was a joke. No person thinks like this right? Nope, she was serious. Another video shows an additional woman nodding along in agreement. Again, I opened the comments. To my pleasant surprise there was a flood of women telling her this was not it, that it was in poor taste, that she was off base with this idea.

I shrugged my shoulders, saying to myself “not everyone needs a podcast.”

I closed the app and kept going about my day, but her words continued to ring in my ears…

Hours and even days later, I come across more videos of other women reacting to these statements. So, I thought I’d weigh in.

Obviously there are many aspects of what she said that are problematic. What I’d like to dive into, is this idea of manifesting. I think it’s the most harmful. It so closely resembles the statements we’re always told when we open up about our struggles to get pregnant.

“Just relax”

“Stop thinking about it so much”

“You just have to be positive”

While these statements seem like harmless bits of advice they actually do some intense damage. It tells us that this is our fault, that it's something we can control, or something we’ve done to or brought upon ourselves. Which we know isn’t true…but it’s hard not to let your mind go to this dark place.

What is Manifestation?

Let’s talk about manifesting. I did some googling…

Manifesting is the act of using methods like visualization or affirmations to help you imagine achieving something. It is the belief that doing this will make it more likely to happen. Manifesting is based on the idea that you can make your dreams a reality. Manifesting is NOT a magic wand and is NOT about receiving specific outcomes. While manifesting can lead to external rewards, it’s more often focused on cultivating inner peace, self-love, and alignment with one's values.

So my interpretation of this definition is that manifesting is something you can do on a daily basis to get yourself into a certain mindset to live a certain kind of life. Let’s think of an example…

Maybe you want to be more confident. You say daily affirmations, take time to reflect, and eventually you find yourself moving about the world with more confidence. This therefore makes your life better for a variety of reasons. Maybe people take you more seriously at work or in dating so you find yourself overall becoming more successful. In this case, then yes…you manifested yourself a successful life.

Do I think you can manifest yourself a car? Not necessarily. You wake up every morning, you tell yourself you’re going to have a car. You surround yourself with people who have cars. You even go so far as to make a vision board with all your favorite cars plastered all over it. Is any of this going to manifest a car? No. You didn’t make any changes to your financial planning to be able to afford a car. The car isn’t just going to become yours one day because you manifested it. This is NOT what manifestation is.

I think that’s where “manifesting” gets used incorrectly. In my googling I found an article from Psychology Today where they described manifesting as having many positive effects but also varying negative effects. It’s a short yet interesting read that delves into the idea that manifesting is a tool to shift your mindset. However, it can also potentially lead to negative thoughts and self-blame. Kind of like what I was discussing at the start. Insinuating that all you have to do to get pregnant is tell yourself you WILL get pregnant puts the blame on the woman or the couple.

My Own Experience

In my own experience with infertility I struggled a lot with blaming myself and questioning my relationship with God. While I don’t think I was trying to necessarily manifest a pregnancy, I was doing things that would fall under the “mindset” umbrella. I prayed every single day. I not only prayed, but I begged God. I’d plead with Our Mother Mary, repeating her prayer over and over until I fell asleep. I’d get a negative test and convince myself it was still too early and proceed to take many more in the days following. I’d convinced myself every symptom I had was a baby growing inside of me. This was a huge factor in the decline of my mental health. I’d always go back to the idea that I simply wasn’t good or worthy enough for it.

With my second go around, my mental health is better. While I still struggle every day, I’m in a better headspace. I know it’s not my fault and I know how to pull myself out of the sad moments. Something I simply couldn’t do before.

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Final Thoughts

If you are someone out there struggling and this is the content you are being bombarded with, you have every right to unfollow, block, and ignore. This is a disgusting and insensitive stance to take. You have every right to share your own experience. But to make statements insinuating that women who can’t get pregnant can’t do so because they don’t have the right mindset is wrong.

Most videos are of girls “glowing up” or some moms showing their life before and after kids. I’d seen it so many times before, but one day it hit me that 2017 was the year I was in my teaching credential program and now I’ve been out of teaching for about 2.5 years.

Getting Into Teaching

When I was younger, I always wanted to be a teacher. I looked up to my teachers and thought the profession was so much fun! I got my bachelors degree in psychology and went on to get my teaching credential. I worked in teaching for 7 years.

When I started, I was young and naïve. I believed the best in the system. When I started in my program, I had a mix of experiences. One mentor teacher was someone I never wanted to be like and the other was someone I modeled my own teaching after.

I was lucky enough to be hired from my very first interview! I spent all summer buying décor for my future 3rd grade classroom. I would’ve spent all summer prepping, but I had no idea of the curriculum until about a week before starting the year.

I faced many challenges in my first year teaching. I worked with a teacher who didn’t want to collaborate, we didn’t have any curriculum that matched state standards, and I didn’t even have enough materials for each student. I was staying at work until 9pm nearly every night prepping. Despite this, I felt excited! I chalked all of that up to it being my first year…everyone’s first year is hard! It will get better, especially now that I’ve made all my lessons and have all my materials for next year.

The Reality Hits

Que the grade level move. Onto 4th grade I go. I have to say this year of teaching was probably one of my favorites by far. I had an amazing teacher to work with, I looped with some of my 3rd graders, I had my first year under my belt, and the 4th grade curriculum is so much fun!

Little did I know, it was going to be these next few years that broke me. We cycled through countless principals and assistant principals making it nearly impossible to build a community at our school. I was paired with a teacher who bullied his students, did drugs, and refused to pull his weight. I had my best teacher friend leave because the new principal was giving her the silent treatment for reasons I still don’t know. I taught through COVID shut downs. I pushed through my own personal struggles.

I remember taking a single day off when my grandpa died. I couldn’t take off more than that. With virtual teaching still being present, no subs were trained on the virtual programs so I needed to get back to it. Looking back, grieving the loss of a loved one while sitting in an empty classroom, being unable to interact with students or other teachers was so extremely isolating. Not to mention the fact that so much of the world was still shut down. There also seemed to be this boom of people having babies during COVID. So while I was struggling with infertility, I was surrounded by pregnant women constantly asking me when I was going to have a baby.

You can imagine, I began to feel I needed a change. I was unsure what a former teacher could do for work. I applied to jobs at businesses that built curriculum. I looked into what it would be like to teach at a homeschool or charter school. I finally decided transferring to a different school in the same district would give me a semi-fresh start. I made this decision early on in the school year and kept it to myself.

New Beginnings

I’m sad to say on the last day of school, my smile was bigger than the day I got hired. I was ready to leave that toxic environment and start fresh….or so I thought.

I loved my new school. The classrooms were different, the buildings newer, the principal so much more supportive. But of course, the year wouldn’t be so easy, right? I was paired up with not one but two new teachers. Actually one new teacher, the other an intern teacher. This meant she was still taking classes, she wasn’t credentialed yet. We needed teachers so badly, they gave a class to an uncredentialled student to learn on her own. No mentor teacher was there helping her. I felt for her. She was amazing, it was just a lot.

I never imagined my last 6 months teaching would be the worst I’d ever experienced. I have never had a group of students so rude, so disrespectful, and entitled. I had students look me right in the eyes and tell me simply they weren't going to do the work, “I don’t have to” they’d say. And to be fair, they were right. These kids were in kindergarten when schools shut down. They hadn’t been required to turn in any work in almost 3 years! I had nearly half of my 3rd grade class reading at or below a 1st grade reading level.

The COVID Impacts

I sometimes wonder what teaching would have been like had we never gone through COVID shut downs. I’m not a political person and I’m definitely not well versed in healthcare. But what I believe 100% to be true, is that students who missed out on years of quality in person education (especially those in low income areas - like my district) will never recover.

I’ve always had a small handful of students who struggled with their math and reading skills, it’s to be expected. And I was always able to help them.

COVID, changed this. There was only so much we could do in those years behind a computer screen. Daily, I’d have half my class log in and half of that make it to the end of the day. I think maybe 3 students were completing any work at all. When we did come back to in person school, we were told not to look into any student who was severely struggling. They told us simply, “We don’t have the resources to test that many kids.” No intervention classes, no reading lab, no special education testing, no way to help these kids.

Any teacher will tell you, we are not qualified to diagnose learning disabilities. But, any experienced teacher will also tell you, we know who probably has a learning disability. After working one on one with hundreds of students, you start to recognize patterns of typical and atypical learning. So this means, I had students who I felt would only succeed if they were given more targeted help and I couldn’t do anything about it. I had to continue to try to serve them all while not having any district provided teaching material at their level. I was buying letter and number flashcards at Target and “stealing” the kindergarten curriculum to copy worksheets, just so they had something to do all day.

My Thoughts

I went into teaching so excited, so ready to help, so willing to do anything! And year after year I was beaten down. The spark, the joy, the love was sucked right out of the profession.

While I still hold so much love in my heart for my students, I feel teary eyed when I think about the kids I couldn’t help…the kids I was told by administration to leave behind.

It wasn’t just administration that ruined teaching, it was the parents too. I’ve been guilted into offering free after school tutoring, scolded for giving consequences to students who stole from me, cussed out through a fence, called a racist for telling a mom her daughter couldn’t read, been made uncomfortable by coworkers, told by a parent I was horrible for making her child do his work, and called unprofessional by a parent for getting pregnant.

I gave my all to teaching and it was never enough. I was on multiple committees, I was team lead, I went to district trainings, joined curriculum building teams, even gave up my classroom for a week so that a team could test out a new experimental curriculum that ended up going nowhere. And I know so many teachers do the same. All the extra work isn’t really the problem. It’s the fact that #1 - it's for no additional pay and #2- it becomes expected.

It’s always the same few teachers, while others aren’t even asked. Honestly, I think those teachers are really the smart ones. They know their impact and they found a way to position themselves so that their only focus is on their own classroom.

I could feel my personality being sucked out of me. When summer would come around, I’d quickly regain my spirit. I didn’t notice it at first, but once I did…I knew something was wrong.

My Exit

By this time, I was pregnant. I said my plan was to take my maternity leave and then come back, but I knew that wasn’t true. My real plan was to take off in January and apply for homeschool and charter schools at that time. I thought something like that would be a better fit and still allow me to be with my son most days.

When I actually found myself in a position to not come back after my maternity leave, I felt like I could finally breathe again.

After the school year completed, I headed to my classroom to clean it out for the very last time. I brought my son, my husband, and my mom. We sorted through all the materials, packing the things I’d bought into boxes. My husband loaded the car while I rocked my son to sleep in the middle of the empty classroom. The posters were off the walls, the desks stacked in the corner. I grabbed my keys and headed out the door. For the very last time, I turned off the lights and shut the door behind me. Tears came flooding to my eyes. This chapter of my life was over…at least for now. All the years, all the effort I’d put into building myself up as a teacher were done. On to the next phase of life.

Today, I work for my parent’s construction consulting business and bring my son to work with me every day. I am with him 24/7 and while that’s a whole different level of exhaustion, it’s also a divine level of revitalization. I thank my parents everyday for the opportunity they’ve given me to be able to be with my son. And I move forward with life, every so often looking back, squinting to remember the good.

My heart will always be with teaching and I have so much respect for teachers. But at this point in my life, I’m happier.

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Disclaimer: I know this isn’t everyone’s position in life, I’m forever grateful for where I am. I’m simply sharing my experience and speaking truthfully about what I’ve encountered in the field of teaching and how I chose to make my exit.

I also want to take a minute to shout out the amazing teachers I’ve met along the way. Tiffany and Erin, you may never see this, but please know you both helped me survive as long as I did. Tiffany - you were empathetic, kind, helpful, thoughtful, and taught me boundaries. You picked me up after my crazy first year and gave me the confidence to keep going. Erin - you were my guiding light in teaching. You were one of those teachers who really wanted the best for every kid who came through your door and you fought for them! Thank you both, I wish you nothing but the best in life.

This week was Maternal Mental Health Week! And as most moms will tell you, being a mom is hard! Not only are you handling your OWN physical, mental, and emotional changes. But you are now fully responsible for the physical, mental, and emotional well being of a brand new little person. Not to mention, you are juggling all the societal pressures and expectations that come along with being a mom.

The best way I can describe it is like in the scene from the Barbie Movie when America Ferrera’s character is explaining what it’s like to be a woman.

Watch it Here!

• Love being a mom, but don’t talk about it too much.

• You should definitely stay home, but don’t you have bigger aspirations?

• Love your new mom bod, but ehhh you should probably start working out soon.

• Self care, take breaks, take care of you, but hey who’s taking care of the baby right now?

It’s all so much! And honestly more nuanced than we would like to admit. It’s not black and white. Sometimes people forget you can have multiple emotions at the same time. You can be both okay and not okay. You can love being a mom and feel utterly overwhelmed and exhausted too…that’s okay.

So on this Maternal Mental Health Week, I’d love to share some of the things I struggled with as a new mom and still struggle with today!

Sleep Deprivation - Whoever came up with the phrase “sleep like a baby” needs a talking to…

Now let me preface this by saying that my son was not a “natural sleeper.” At 3 months, our son went through a sleep regression. He woke up nearly every hour and I could not set him down. He would only fall asleep and stay asleep if he was latched. The second I tried to set him down, he’d scream. This made life extremely difficult. My husband couldn’t really even help, like he was before, because all our son wanted was to be latched onto mama! I remember crying to my pediatrician that I needed to sleep and she told me that because I wasn’t working, that I’d be okay.

I wish I could give some great advice on how we got through this, but I don’t remember. Honestly, I just didn’t sleep that month! Things got better once we started sleep training.

Sundown Scaries - Similar to the Sunday Scaries where you don’t want to start another week of work. Except it’s every night from the moment the sun goes down to the second it comes up.

Between witching hour(s) and the 3-4 month sleep regression, this was a rough time. Panic would take over my entire body as I prepared for another evening of crying and cluster feeding followed by a night of attempting to sleep in an upright position with a baby attached to me. Again, I don’t know how we made it through. I think baby wearing and accepting defeat.

Mom Guilt - I’m sure every mom can relate to this!

I felt such extreme mom guilt. I’m not exactly sure how to explain it but I think I felt extra mom guilt because we struggled with infertility. Anytime I had any even a slightly negative feeling or frustration towards our baby, I felt like, “how dare I…” Of course, I know now this wasn’t fair to me. No matter how much you love your baby, how much you wanted them, how much you would do anything for them. It’s completely normal to feel frustrated. Being the primary caretaker for a helpless little human who doesn't know how to do anything is hard.

Anxiety - Again, this is a totally normal thing to feel as a new or a veteran mom.

Even as justified as these things were, looking back at now I have to laugh a little. I’m grateful it never truly obsessive!

• I used to sleep with my hand in his bassinet so I could feel him breathing.

• I was so scared of leaving him alone in the car… and of course, I mean leaving him alone for the whole 4 seconds it would take me to walk from his door to my door.

• I couldn’t leave him in another room, not even for a second! Thank goodness we have an open floor plan downstairs and I could use the restroom with the door open all while seeing him clearly in the pack n play right there in the living room.

• I was also literally so scared of him getting a flat head. Am I doing enough tummy time? Was that car ride too long for him to be in the car seat? I need to remember to put toys on both sides of him while he’s playing so he moves his head back and forth a little.

Loneliness - Even with the most supportive village, you might still feel alone.

While I was physically present when we went out places, mentally I was all focused on the baby. Sometimes it was stepping out to breastfeed at a family gathering, or maybe going for a solo walk to rock the baby to sleep. This made engaging in outings difficult. When we went to dinner I’d always have my back turned trying to entertain him or keep him seated in the high chair. And forget going to fun outdoor places, I’d be isolated from the group chasing our new walker all around. Any and all of these things made it difficult to be a part of the conversation, resulting in so many feelings of loneliness.

While it’s so easy to slap a smile on and say positive things when someone asks how you’re doing. It’s much more important to be honest and open about these things. I’m not saying when the lady checking you out at Target says your baby is cute and asks how you like it, you need to spill to her. But my hope for all moms is that they have at least a few people they can be totally honest with! And if you don’t, I hope you find this and know you’re not alone in anything you’re feeling, and most importantly…

…you’re doing a good job.

And if you do feel alone, please check out these resources from the Maternal Mental Health Alliance.

Resources Here!

Hi all! My name is Amanda and I am the first time mom behind this blog, My Inner Momologue.

As a former teacher, I have a bachelor’s degree in psychology with a focus in child development. I worked in primary education for 7 years and learned so much during my time teaching.

I’ve been married for 5 years to my incredible husband who works as a mechanical engineer. When we decided it was time to start a family, we also decided it was time for me to stop teaching. I currently work for my family’s business and decided to start this blog.

Today, we have a beautiful little toddler boy who loves everything Bluey and cars. We are also the “paw”rents to a sweet chocolate lab named Willow.

A Little About the Blog

I decided, in the little free time I have, to start this blog as a way to share my experience with other moms.

To start, I understand how difficult it is, especially with all the conflicting information, varying opinions, and outdated advice. I was always searching for reassurance that what I was going through was normal. I would spend way too long hunting down tips to tackle the tough moments. Sometimes I found helpful stuff, but other times, it just made me feel worse.

I thought writing a mom-centered blog would be a fun and maybe even helpful thing to do. My aim is to create a safe space where I can share my journey and support fellow moms.

Oh! And I also love sharing all the fun and cute things that come along with motherhood and the mom lifestyle. From cute DIY’s to helpful checklists, I’m so excited to share all that extra fun stuff with you as well!

Turning 2 is yet another big milestone! You see so many changes so fast. Maybe they’re stringing together words they know to make little sentences like “me go walk” or “more juice mama”. Maybe they’re starting to get more adventurous as they jump and climb on everything. No matter what your 2 year old is doing, everyday is an adventure! Here are 5 new things we did when our son turned 2. 

1. Pillow & Blanket – according to the AAP at 2 years old you can introduce a small toddler pillow! You can actually give a blanket starting at around 18 months.

2. Switched to 2% milk – As long as your child is growing “at the normal rate” you can make the switch to 2% milk. 

3. Watch your language – 2 is that age where they WILL start repeating words. Time to extra watch your language!

4. Implementing a sleep schedule – My son has never been an “easy” or “natural” sleeper. We’ve always stuck to his wake windows. Recently we decided to switch over to a schedule. Nap and bedtime are always around the same time (within reason, of course) 

5. Okay to Wake Clock – For the first time ever our son climbed…or flipped…out of his crib. He was okay! But it made me realize the transition to toddler bed is coming soon! In order to hopefully set us up for success we implemented an okay to wake clock for naps and bedtime. 

Other things your 2 year old might be ready for (but it’s okay if they’re not)

• Toddler bed – If they’re sleeping well in the crib, leave them! But if their sleep is changing or they’re consistently climbing out it might be time for a toddler bed.

• Potty Training – Depending on your child, they may or may not begin to show signs that they’re ready for potty training at 2. Either way it’s good to start talking about the bathroom more and even bring them with you when you go!

• Dressing/Undressing themselves – Some 2 year olds can start to help out with this! For my son, he just helps by lifting his arms, putting them through the arm holes, lifting his legs, putting out his feet for socks and shoes. Things like that! But some kids can do more! 

Again though, don’t fret if your child isn’t ready for these things. Every kid is different and needs different things on different timelines! If you’re really concerned, talk with your pediatrician and they can give you advice or put your mind at ease! 

The post Turning Two: 5 Things We Changed appeared first on My Inner Momologue.

• 1 in 6 couples struggle with infertility worldwide 

• ⅓ of those couples are unexplained infertility 

• Of the women who seek fertility treatments 85-90% of them are treated with drug therapy or surgery 

• Fewer than 3% of women will need IVF treatment 

• Over 9 million babies have been born via IVF worldwide

• A single IUI, on average, can cost between $500 to $1000

• Medication for a single IUI can cost, on average, $30 to $100 

• The average cost of a single IVF cycle (1 egg retrieval, 1 transfer) is $12,000 to $30,000

• The average cost for medication for a single IVF cycle is $2,000 to $10,000

• In 2020 there was a statistic that claims that only 27% of companies with 500 or more employees covered fertility treatments. 

• In addition, only Twelve states have an insurance mandate that requires qualified employers to include IVF coverage in their plans offered to their employees: Arkansas, Colorado, Connecticut, Delaware, Hawaii, Illinois, Maryland, Massachusetts, New Hampshire, New Jersey, New York and Rhode Island – do better CA

• According to a study done by National Institutes of Health 50% of women going through infertility will experience depression

• According to that same study, 15% will have suicidal thoughts. 

All information has been found via the following sources:

ASRM. Reproductive Facts. www.reproductivefacts.org.

CDC. Reproductive Health. www.cdc.gov/reproductive-health/infertility-faq

NORD. Women’s Health Resource Center 2017. rarediseases.org

Infertility As A Covered Benefit, William M. Mercer, 1997

World Health Organization, Infertility Prevalence Estimates, 1990-2021. www.who.int/publications/i/item/978920068315

The post Infertility Facts You May Not Know appeared first on My Inner Momologue.

Infertility is a very complicated topic. There’s a multitude of emotions that come with it. There are so many different types of infertility and treatments. There’s very little to no support at all for couples going through this. And it’s often a very minimized problem.

What do I mean by all of this? Let’s dive in. 

The emotional component 

Infertility is much like grief. It’s a feeling that stays with you forever, and yes I do mean forever. Even if you are able to get pregnant, it’s always there. It lingers in everything you do. I think comparing it to grief helps others understand it more. Almost everyone has lost a loved one. You never fully let go of that person, you just learn to live around the grief. No matter how much time passes, you still, every so often, find yourself reminded of that person. Maybe it’s a location, a sound, a taste, anything really, and suddenly your back grieving your loss. No matter how happy you are…you’re always a little sad. 

Infertility is like this. You’re grieving the fact that your journey isn’t what you thought it was going to be. You don’t get to have the same experiences as those not struggling. Maybe you’re grieving the family you might have had, if not for infertility. You might have to come to terms with not being able to carry your child. You might need to face not being a mom at all.

No matter how much time passes, it’s always there. No matter how many healthy pregnancies you’ve had, it remains. Whatever your outcome, it doesn’t leave. There’s always going to be something to remind you. Same as grief, it will forever stay in your heart and you simply learn to grow around it. 

Lack of Support 

Unfortunately, I truly do believe there’s very little support for people going through this. To start, most people don’t even know what to say, resulting in them saying the “wrong” things. This can feel extremely isolating. Imagine someone seeks support by talking to friends and family, and they constantly hear things that make them feel worse. They will eventually stop trying to talk about it. They will learn to keep their feelings to themselves. While I do truly believe, most of the time, this is completely unintentional, the damage is still done. 

In addition, I have been to 2 fertility clinics. Neither of them did any sort of mental health screening for me. They’ve never offered any support groups or services. Never referred me to a therapist. They’ve honestly never even asked me how I’m doing mentally. While I know they’re doing their jobs the best they can, their main focus is on your physical health. It will always be on your body’s reactions to the medication. This unfortunately, makes you feel like your mental health doesn’t matter in this process. It’s a reminder that you need to simply push those negative thoughts down and keep going. 

It is also not very well understood by the general public. Most people think of infertility as shots and doctors appointments. Honestly most of what you see on social media is about this. While that aspect is difficult, by far the hardest part is the emotional and mental component. But people don’t see that. Now this isn’t to say that every person you walk past should know what you’re going through. I definitely don’t expect strangers to understand or even care. I bring this up to highlight that a struggling person might be surrounded by friends. These friends might have no idea what they’re going through. That can be really hard. You have friends that you love and trust. But you know that you can’t tell them what’s going on because they just won’t get it. Looking for anyone who isn’t going to instantly tell you to “just relax and it will happen.” Which leads to the next part of this post…

Things not to say or do to someone struggling with their fertility 

Be mindful of what you say and do. This is crucial when someone has decided to open up and share their fertility journey with you. Even if you think you’re being kind or helpful, sometimes it’s not perceived that way. Here are a few things to avoid when interacting with someone going through infertility.

• Don’t say “It’s all in God’s timing.” I do truly understand the sentiment. However, it doesn’t make us feel better. It makes us think some really negative thoughts about our relationship with God. (if we have one) 

• Don’t tell them to relax… We know we need to relax, but it’s near impossible given the circumstances. 

• Don’t minimize their experience by saying things like, “Well, at least you know you can get pregnant” or “At least you already have a baby” It ignores how difficult the struggle can be it and it minimizes any loss someone might have suffered

• Don’t say anything about how you’re glad you didn’t have to do that. Don’t mention how easily you got pregnant. (And for the record, yes someone did this to me.)

• Don’t make suggestions. They’ve already tried tracking ovulation, getting drunk, going on vacation, trying supplements, the list goes on. 

• If they’ve already been pregnant, don’t say anything about how next time their body will know what to do. This makes it feel like you’re discrediting their journey, like it wasn’t real. (And yes, again…this was said to me many times)

• Don’t discuss their age. Don’t talk about how they’re older and don’t tell they “but you’re so young!” 

• Don’t ask whose “fault” it is. I think it’s obvious this isn’t appropriate, but here we are…

• Don’t ignore or exclude them. Especially not on the premise that “they probably wouldn’t want to go anyway.” It’s already really lonely and it sucks when someone does this. 

• Don’t say “Everything happens for a reason” because really what is the reason???

And a bonus…one we really shouldn’t be saying to/asking ANYONE!! 

• “When are you going to have a baby/another baby?” – You don’t know anyone’s journey, you don’t know their decisions, you don’t know their struggle. Stop asking this. 

How to support someone

And finally, I believe it’s not helpful to offer criticism without any solutions. Here are some things you CAN say and do to support someone who’s struggling. 

• “I’m so sorry, that must be difficult” 

• “Do you want to talk about it?” 

• Continue to include them/ invite them to things, even if they say no 

• Give grace if they don’t answer your call or text 

• Support all decisions they’re making 

• Be sensitive when talking about your own children or pregnancy

If you’d like to learn more about supporting a friend or family member. You can visit this link for more ideas about how to support their fertility journey.

The post How to Support Someone Going Through Infertility  appeared first on My Inner Momologue.

To prepare for your egg retrieval, your doctor and nurses will make a plan for you. They’ll tell you how much medication you’ll be taking and how often. They also give a rough estimate for when your retrieval will take place. 

My husband and I actually ended up making our own calendar on a spreadsheet to help us track everything! We had each shot and its dosage laid out. We were also keeping track of how many days’ supply we had left. We needed to make sure we knew when to order more medication. 

This whole part of it truly felt so overwhelming! They send over a video on how to do the shot and that’s it! Not to mention the fact that they remind you pretty much every appointment that it is fully up to YOU to know when to order more meds. This part of the process truly baffles me, but I guess we made it through. 

For me, we started with 2 shots a day, given at night. Every few days I had an ultrasound and bloodwork done to see how my body was responding to the meds. After a couple days of the 2 shots, we introduced another. This one was to be done in the morning, making it 3 shots a day! We continued to do ultrasounds and bloodwork every couple days. In total I ended up doing the shots for 14 days. Then right before my retrieval, we did a trigger shot to ensure my body was ready for the retrieval. 

Retrieval Day: 

On the day of the retrieval, you’ll want someone to drive you and you’ll want to wear comfy clothes. It is a surgery after all! 

On the day of my retrieval we checked in and waited to be called. When it was my turn, a nurse came out to get me and my husband stayed in the waiting room. She took me back and I changed into that super stylish hospital gown! She led me to a bed where I did a lot of waiting! Personally, the waiting was the hardest because my mind started to race and my anxiety took over. After a few check in’s the nurse started my IV and left me to wait some more! At this point I was getting very anxious and basically sat there crying. Finally I met with the anesthesiologist and the doctor. They tried their best to reassure and distract me. When it was time, I walked with the nurse to the operating room where I laid down. We started chatting as they gave me the meds to put me under. I’m pretty sure I fell asleep mid sentence! 

After that, I remember waking up to the nurse putting a heating pad on my stomach. She was telling me how many eggs they retrieved. I was crying, balling really. She reassured me that it was totally normal and gave me a box of tissues. We waited until I felt stable. I got up, got dressed, and then the nurse walked me out to my husband. He had already pulled the car up to the front of the building for me! The car ride home was rough, every bump and turn hurt. When we arrived home, I struggled to walk inside. I was feeling really sore and heavy! (Like my ovaries were going to fall out of me.) We ate lunch and I tried to eat and drink as much as I could. I headed upstairs to rest, taking pain meds on and off every few hours. 

Recovery: 

In total, I spent 2 days in bed resting and then I felt ready to get up and moving again. 

Even after feeling better, I still had sooo much bloating. I felt pretty sore so I continued to take it easy until my next period. 

About 2 weeks later, I got my period. While it was one of the craziest periods I’ve ever had, after that I felt completely “normal” again! I could pick up my son and move around so much better than before! 

Overall Takeaway

The stimulation shots were a lot worse than I originally anticipated. I had done several trigger shots in the past with my IUIs. I knew I could do the shots, but these were so different! One of the 3 shots burned when injected. Not to mention, the sheer amount of shots over the 2 weeks caused a lot of soreness and pain. I had little bruises all over my stomach. Because you aren’t supposed to inject into a bruise, it was hard to find a spot for the next shot. On top of the actual shots themselves, you are tired, bloated, and hormonal. I was so sore and my ovaries felt so heavy. It was difficult to move around and I struggled with my toddler. I could hold him for short periods of time. But where he would sit on me while I held him was right where I felt the most pain. This was really difficult and I had a hard time reminding myself it was only temporary. I knew my son wanted me and it was heartbreaking to have to pass him off to my mom or husband for help. 

The actual egg retrieval itself wasn’t as bad as I thought. I had more anxiety around it than anything else. But the nurses and doctors were so kind and patient with me and made me feel comfortable. The recovery pain was a lot, but again, manageable. Now I know this may not be everyone’s experience or take on it. I’m grateful to have had a safe recovery! 

Everyone’s experience with IVF is going to be different and that’s totally normal. I am sharing my thoughts, feelings, and symptoms as just that… MINE. As always, I can only speak to my experience and share how my body took everything. I do believe that too often women are told something is going to be mild pain when it’s actually not. For that reason, it’s important to be your own advocate! If you are doing something and feel pain that is beyond what you think is “normal” speak to your nurses and doctors to see what can be done!

The post IVF Egg Retrieval: My Experience appeared first on My Inner Momologue.